getting rid of this
After thinking about this for a while (yet deciding very brashly to do so), I’m changing the password on here so I’ll no longer be using it. I could simply deactivate it, however I’ve had this for many years now and would like to still look at it at some point to reflect on my past thoughts and whatnot. It’s become clear to me at this point that I need to stop using tumblr for a number of reasons. I guess I could write an unnecessarily long post (that no one probably cares to read), and I may do so in order to collect my thoughts.
- Tumblr is a very shallow social network, much like the rest. It presents itself as a unique format for sharing ideas and connecting with people who have similar interests as you. Overall though, I haven’t found it to be meaningfully rewarding. It’s more just something that I go on to waste time, feel closer to friends that I don’t even see much in person, and spew every negative thought out on.
- In the same sense that it is a shallow website, the premise of it revolves around image culture and fashioning an identity for yourself. While some people may actually use it in a constructive way, such as to put their artwork (be it music, poetry, paintings, etc.) out there for other people to see, often times people just use it to reblog images that will attach them to some kind of collective identity. I myself have done this, as have my friends…such as by reblogging images about veganism, anti-capitalism, the hardcore/punk scene, etc. And all it really does it make me feel elitist at times.
- I’d begun using this as a means of recording arbitrary happenings and feelings while in high school, and yet it has done nothing to make me understand myself better. I’m a really vulnerable and emotionally volatile person, and I guess I ended up using this in lieu of actually talking to people about my issues, or resolving them on my own. I essentially realized that while it can be temporarily relieving to vent on here, all it does is further alienate me from people I care about. I kind of sense that everyone is just tired of me posting negative things and hardly ever expressing appreciation for the people in my life. I’m really selfish in that aspect, and thus I need to stop doing this altogether. My relationships with several people are entirely disordered currently, and this reflects my tendency to house emotion within me to the point where I shut down with communication. If I continue using Tumblr as a means of venting, this cyclical depression and selfishness will never cease.
- It’s stupid to even place this much emphasis on a blogging site. After all, I have created my blog and made it what it is, so I can’t divert blame to the site itself. I more so dislike how dependent upon it I have become in place of spending time with myself and others.
- And…it is obviously a distraction from constructive activities I could be doing, like writing music, writing poetry, reading, hanging out with friends, and so much more.
So, yeah. I’m going to stop being pathetic on here for good.
Good riddance.
12:53 pm • 5 May 2012 • 1 note
I need feminism because..
sospokethewanderer:
pleasetakemeseriouslythanks:
whoneedsfeminism:
It is 2012 and still, not all women can feel confident with their bodies!
I need reality because it’s 2012 and people are still blaming society for all their problems.
A society that mass produces images of a particular body image for women as “ideal” or “normal” IS a problem. How’s life in that box of yours?
^ definitely. I’d have to agree with the initial statement because even as a feminist, at 116 lbs. I still felt I should lose more weight. It’s not so easy to dismiss images that you’ve seen daily your entire life, regardless of how defiant or confident your character is. I mean, if you want to troll around and dismiss every ‘whoneedsfeminism’ post, that’s your own time to waste…but don’t insult people who have actually felt alienated by societal conventions.
3:44 am • 5 May 2012 • 102 notes
if you’re reading this
(though I won’t explicitly state who this ‘you’ is)
Tumblr is an image.
As much as what I post is a collection of my arbitrary thoughts, contentments, fears, interests, etc., it will never reveal all of my intentions and deeply entrenched emotions. Stop taking everything at face value and using it to fashion an unfair perspective of me. The internet is fucked in that it can deceive you into thinking that you know someone well, even after you’ve stopped talking to them. This has happened to me before as well, so I’m not taking a wiser than thou approach, just stating that keeping tabs on me via Tumblr will not give you an entirely accurate picture of how I’m feeling about you and others.
I must be really selfish and cruel for not writing posts about missing you…
I don’t even feel like rambling on about this. I think it makes enough sense and reiterates what I’ve already said to you. In the most sincere way possible, if you no longer respect me, then stop keeping track of my life on here.
10:25 pm • 4 May 2012 • 1 note
I’ve done nothing today
I’ve done nothing today
I’ve done nothing today
The internet is so vapid, but my brain is so tired and attracted to it.
This paper is excruciating to write.
I have all the sources, I have an outline begun, and yet I’m never going to actually write it.
I’ve done nothing today
I have to leave for Boston in like an hour.
Fuck.
4:14 pm • 4 May 2012
"One Man's Quest to be Penniless"
I really hate stupid Yahoo articles, but I was about to check my email and this intrigued me. This is seriously how I would like to live in the future. I can certainly relate to the feeling of dishonesty with participation in the capitalist system, and thus I’ve been detaching myself from it. The past few months I’ve really developed a sense of unease whenever I have to pay for anything. The only thing I spend my money on every week is transportation — gas to drive to school because it’s too far away for me to bike there in time for 8am classes, and train tickets to Boston to visit friends. Aside from this, I at most spend $15-20 on food (I don’t pay for 2/3 of my food and my grandmother fortunately buys me a few things sometimes without me asking her to). Anything besides food and transportation I decide to do without, or I steal. Some would say that this is ‘scummy’ of me because even people in economically dire situations pay for things, but I don’t view it that way. I’m a college student from a working class family background, I’m already in ~$20,000 of student loan debt, and I’m usually working two jobs to pay for school expenses. Thus, I don’t feel particularly inclined to pay for things that are produced in excess (for cheaper than the price at which they are sold), and are likely to be thrown away eventually (hence why I also dumpster dive occasionally).
The fact that people would criticize this man for materially and economically benefitting from the system without contributing is the primary defense of those who have the “morals” of the system engrained in them. It is absurd. If an individual feels inclined to be productive and use their earned money to pay for the products of the capitalist system, so be it. But I feel extremely uncomfortable doing so, unless I am buying a product that an individual has made themselves (i.e. farmer’s markets products, CSA food, crafts, music, etc.). I don’t have economic morals.
I need to stop rambling about this. Essentially, I would agree with this man’s perspective wholeheartedly. Money is backed by nothing except the violence of the state. People need to detach themselves from the morals that have been fabricated around money. If you don’t want to, that’s cool. In fact, it wouldn’t be feasible for a population of 9 billion to live this way. But I’m going to continue to do so, as I have the privilege to.
1:19 pm • 4 May 2012 • 3 notes
This weather reminded me of a dream that I had about a year ago. During that period, I used to have really cryptic and depressing dreams every night. I’m still trying to rid myself of this fear, despite the fact that things are resolved. This is why I avoid sleeping much of the time.
11:33 am • 4 May 2012 • 2 notes
PLEASE REBLOG
cerceponx:
Hate to keep doing this, but we are still in need of a show on 5/23 literally ANYWHERE between Blacksburg, VA and Philadelphia. Please ask around and let us know if you know anyone or any shows going on that us and William James could hop on. Thank you.
zachxweeks@gmail.com
11:06 am • 4 May 2012 • 3 notes
